I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
