I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
