I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
