Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
