I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
