I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
