How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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