i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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