I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
