You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Randomize
