A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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