Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Randomize
