I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
