Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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