U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
