Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Randomize
