All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
