I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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