I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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