we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
