Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
