True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
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You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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