she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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