U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
