Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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