Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
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