he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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