HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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