Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
