I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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