Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
ttyl tear gas
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
