this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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