omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I'm really busy with my period
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