woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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