I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD