I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit