I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.