Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy