Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Let's get the cat blown out
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
