He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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