I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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