No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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