WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
