I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
