someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
