it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Randomize
