So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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