There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
