I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
