We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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