It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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