That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
