there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Randomize
