you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize