He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
