I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
