my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
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She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
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We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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