when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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