I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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