We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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