He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
