home. puking in laundry basket.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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