He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
