I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
