I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
