No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
