you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
