I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
