Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
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why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
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There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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