woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
