just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
so much tequila, so little girl.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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