I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
