i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
