I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
someone get that fucking seahorse.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
