i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
