the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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