I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
