I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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