My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
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