i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
