She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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