I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
