Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Well I just put wine in my tea
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
