today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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