repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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