chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
