I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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