a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
