I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
